When Mercy Comes First: What Shifted My View of God’s Justice

The truth is… I spent a long time assuming that God’s justice was something I had to brace myself for. Like it was coming for me. Like I should expect the gavel to fall unless I got myself in perfect order.

I believed in mercy, yes...but only after I’d proven something. After I’d made it right. Earned it. Which, ironically, is not mercy at all. It’s just delayed judgment dressed up as grace.

I remember this one time, a few years back. I had said something I shouldn’t have. It wasn’t catastrophic, just… careless. It hit someone I love in a tender spot, and when I realized it, I immediately panicked. Internally, I spiraled.

I slipped right into shame mode. That voice kicked in hard: How could you say that? You should’ve known better. Now you have to fix it. Make it right. Earn their trust again. Apologize enough times. Make it up to God.

I felt this pressure to become the hero of the story. To be the one who turned things around. Redeemed the whole thing myself.

Then one morning, I was reading through the New Testament and I paused on this phrase: “He is full of grace and truth.”

I don’t know why it hit so hard, but it stopped me in my tracks. That little sentence interrupted all my fixing and proving.

And I didn’t offer some perfect, neatly worded prayer. I think I just whispered something while doing dishes like, “God, I’m sorry. I really messed up.”

But here’s what surprised me, I didn’t feel distance. I didn’t feel that “you better grovel” energy I had braced for.

I felt… presence.

Like He was already there in the mess. Not surprised. Not disappointed in the way I feared. It felt like He’d already seen it happen, and He’d already chosen mercy long before I ever thought to ask for it.

That’s when something shifted.

Justice didn’t feel like a threat anymore. It felt like restoration. Like God wasn’t out to punish me, but to set things right...with me, not against me.

Almost like He was saying, “Yes, this hurt. But I’m here to help heal it. Not hold it over you.”

It made me realize something: I think we often imagine God’s justice like a courtroom. Cold. Stern. Final. But maybe, sometimes, it looks more like a hospital room. Not because He ignores the wound, but because He’s more focused on healing it than punishing it.

That moment changed how I pray. It changed how I see His face when I mess up. It even started to change how I respond to others when they mess up, too.

Because if God isn’t looking for a way to hold it against me…

then maybe I don’t have to either.

I’m still learning that. Still unlearning old versions of Him I made up in my mind. But I think that one line... full of grace and truth. This will always bring me back.

Back to the One who meets us not at the end of our trying, but right in the middle of our need.