The Empty Seat Beside Me

There are Sundays I pull into the church parking lot and just sit in the car for a minute, looking at the empty seat next to me.

I remember when all three of my boys used to come with me. They’d tug at their collars, whisper during sacrament, sometimes even ask those big, bold questions about heaven or Joseph Smith or why church is so long.

Now, I go alone.

And people ask me why I still go.

It’s not easy to explain without sounding overly religious or maybe even a little lonely, but the truth is, I go because I believe in showing up for my relationship with God, even when it doesn’t look the way I thought it would.

It would be easier, honestly, to slide into a version of faith that’s softer. One that fits my season of life a little more neatly. Where I don’t have to wrestle with truth or hold tension between what I believe and what my boys aren’t sure of yet.

There are absolutely places in my life where I’ve wanted to accept the watered-down version, especially when it feels more comfortable or less “against the grain.” I’ve caught myself thinking things like, “Maybe this part of doctrine just doesn’t apply anymore…” or “Maybe I’m being too intense about what’s ‘right.’”

But that’s when the Spirit quietly nudges me back. Not in a loud, shaming way. Just a whisper of, keep showing up. Stay rooted.

So I do.

I think walking in Truth, really walking in it… means I have to keep asking God to soften my heart and sharpen my discernment. I try to stay in the scriptures, not just for study, but for grounding. I talk with people who challenge me in healthy ways, who love the gospel but also wrestle with it.

And maybe most of all, I try to lead with compassion.

Because if I’ve learned anything from going to church alone, it’s this: people don’t need correction nearly as much as they need companionship.

Most people already know when they’re drifting. They’re just hoping someone will still sit next to them. Still listen without fixing. Still believe God can find them right where they are.

That’s the kind of believer I want to be. One who walks in Truth, yes… but also walks with people, not ahead of them.