When Conflict Touches Old Wounds

When Conflict Touches Old Wounds

If I am honest, my relationship with conflict has been shaped by pain. Not abstract pain, but real relationships that mattered to me deeply. Relationships formed inside my walk with Christ. Some of them hurt in ways I did not expect, and I think those experiences taught me to be cautious. Careful. Sometimes too careful.

When conflict shows up now, my first instinct is not to engage. It is to protect. I go quiet. I pull inward. I tell myself I am choosing peace, but if I sit with it long enough, I can see that often I am really choosing distance. Distance feels safer than being hurt again.

Acts 15:39 meets me right there.

Two devoted followers of Christ. Both sincerely trying to do the Lord’s work. And still, a sharp disagreement. Scripture does not shame them for it. It does not rush to tie the story up neatly. It simply tells the truth. Even faithful people can wound one another. Even inside God’s work, tension can exist.

That truth sobers me. And oddly, it comforts me too.

It reminds me that painful relationships do not automatically mean I misunderstood my calling or misheard God. Sometimes they simply mean I was human, walking alongside other humans, all of us trying to do holy work with imperfect hearts.

What equips me for future conflict is not pretending those hurts never happened. It is allowing God to tend to what those experiences left behind. I have been sitting with the word temperance lately, almost turning it over slowly in my own life. I am noticing how often I have confused strength with silence, and restraint with avoidance.

But temperance is something different.

It is not shutting down. It is staying grounded. It is responding with wisdom instead of reacting from old wounds. It is having enough steadiness to stay present, even when part of me wants to disappear.

Our prophet, Russell M Nelson's teachings about the Salt Lake Temple feel personal to me here. Those pioneers built something sacred, something consecrated. And still, over time, erosion happened. Not because they lacked faith, but because wear is part of living in the world.

Conflict reveals something similar in us.

The cracks formed in painful relationships are not proof of weakness. They are invitations for reinforcement. Places where Christ wants to strengthen the foundation, not shame us for the gaps.

Temperance has started to feel like sacred reinforcement in my own life. It steadies my heart when past hurts try to take over. It helps me pause before assuming the worst. It reminds me that I can be honest without being harsh, and boundaried without being bitter. That I can speak truth while staying anchored in love.

I do not expect conflict to ever feel easy. I am not sure it is meant to. But today’s scriptures give me a way forward. They remind me that past pain does not get to dictate future responses. That I can remain rooted in Christ even when relationships feel messy and unresolved.

And maybe most importantly, they remind me that God can use even the most painful interactions to deepen faith, strengthen foundations, and shape us into people who reflect Him more clearly. Sometimes especially in the middle of disagreement.

I am learning that God really is in the details. Even here.